Thursday, October 13, 2011

I'm Sorry

To me it's very important to apologize to my children when I'm in the wrong. I think a lot of parents out there are too stubborn to admit that they too make mistakes. It's also hard to calm yourself down in the heat of a moment. We are focused on our anger more then how to be better person.

Kids learn from their parents. Many behavior traits that you have, they mimic.

Here are a few things to consider: 
  1. Think about how you could have handled a situation in a different way.
  2. Replay what happened in your mind.
  3. Think about it from your child's perspective.
  4. Imagine how your child feels. Ex: Are they scared of you? Did you hurt them? 
  5. This is when it's time to communicate steps 1-4 to your child. Follow through. You will in the long run have an understanding of your child and yourself.
  6. Now that you both are on talking terms, this is the time to tell your child, "I'm sorry." If they did something wrong, explain that they need to apologize to you as well.
Now that you know how your child feels and they know how you feel, you both can grow into being better people. They will be better about apologizing. They will look up to you for apologizing to them.

In the end you need to forgive yourself. Mistakes happen. We're all human. Know that you are not a horrible mother; just a better one for admitting that you were in the wrong.

Personal Example: My Three year old was really testing me. He was not getting in the car. The boy dawdles a lot. It seems to be common place for him to move slow and insist that he gets himself in his car seat. Instead of understanding that time means very little to him, I was irritated with him. I picked him up and harshly put him in his car seat. When I did that, I bumped his head. Did I mean to bump his head? No! Did I feel bad? Yes and no. At the moment I was thinking, "That's what you get for moving so slow!" I didn't say that by the way! I felt that way until I started thinking about his perspective and replayed the situation in my head. Once he calmed down we had a talk. I apologized. Then he apologized.

It doesn't matter what age your child is. Apologizing is a lot like learning the words, "Thank you" and "Please." You have to start somewhere.

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